Lecturer Funnies

For my entire time at Swinburne University, I’ve been writing down the funny things that lecturers say. After much laughter from my friends, I have decided that it is time to release some of these quotes to the wider world.

Names have been omitted to protect the guilty.

C is very close to natural language

I might have made it up at some point

It depends if you want to be correct or not

I have lots of friends

That would be quite correct, if it wasn’t incorrect

It’s topologically equivalent; that means it doesn’t matter

There’s more than one way to skin a cat, especially when it’s moving

Neo, Trinity and Morpheus. If you haven’t heard of them you’re in the wrong course. Please re-enrol immediately.

This was very exciting in the 1970′s

Wrong is such a judgemental word

You just grab the end of the shaft and twist it

It doesn’t matter if it works or not, as long as it has a function

A monkey could do it – sorry to everyone who’s repeating

A lot of people have made good money out of not being engineers

You will get familiar with your package

Good answer! See you next semester

The author should definitely not write anything

You’re sunk commercially, simply because Microsoft are trying to sink you commercially

So that’s banking. Next week: brain surgery

I always take my toolkit with me when I’m going into Fourier land

5 * 3600 * 125 = Big

A lady with a huuuuuuuge bust

You made a mistake long in your past and are paying for it years later, so you use const_cast

You don’t name a robot speaker’s name, you name a mule speaker’s name.

I remember that; I’ve stuffed that up before!

If you get to final… sorry… WHEN you get to final year.

Zero plus one is one. Zero plus one is one. Zero plus one is one.

Big Endian is where you put the big end in first.

If you’re going to make smartarse comments at least make them loud enough that I can throw you out.

It’s hard when the other lecturer is doing such a good job of putting people off the subject.

(Discussing function parameters) An argument is what we’ll be having if you don’t shut up!

There is a reason we do that… it’s because we hate you.

I drink Adelaide water.

They say that planes are safer than cars, but if your plane is going down you don’t give a damn about statistics.